Conundrum

I have been presented with an interesting situation.

I am in a new and relatively intense relationship with a D/s dynamic. I am greatly enjoying the way things are going and certainly enjoying the feelings of security and serenity that come with being owned (though I do not think my D-type considers me so). Ours is currently a relaxed dynamic wherein I have a lot of freedom, though I am more than happy to follow instructions (even when I don’t like them). I particularly like the rule that I’m to sit at his feet, rather than on the sofa with him unless given special permission… but then, I like rules. There is a –lot- of New Relationship Energy (NRE) kicking about and while I remain emotionally unaffected, I find the cocktail of NRE chemicals have me wanting to be so. Part of me has been worried about this, but I am trying to allow myself to live a little more day to day and be open to experiences that I previously would have walked away from.

With all of this going on, I have been approached by an experienced, well-known D-type from the scene. The exact details are a little hazy, but he has asked in no uncertain terms if I am ready to talk seriously about having a session together. Previously I would have jumped at the chance and really, it has only been bad timing that has stopped us from getting this far before. He has a wife and sex would not be any part of our activities. It would have suited me perfectly. I have spoken to my D-type and he has advised that he knows of this person and would feel comfortable leaving me in their care. He has left the decision up to me. However, now I find myself somewhat reluctant…


I don’t trust people. Sex requires little trust. It’s safe. Its impersonal. It keeps people at a distance while simulating intimacy.

Giving yourself to another, Submitting yourself to their whim, even if only for a agreed upon time – requires trust. Trust that despite the sadistic desires they will take out of your flesh, they have your best interests at heart and in mind. Trust that they know what they are doing. Trust that they will hear your safe-word and stop, or that they will be able to bring you to the edge of saying it, see it and step down the abuse to give you a breather before pushing you on. Trust that they know enough about themselves and their tools not to leave life-long scars.
I stopped trusting people, because I have a habit of trusting the wrong ones. I have the scars to show it.

Despite my interactions with this person, despite my d-type’s good words and the reputation he commands – I don’t know that I trust this man.
In addition to this, while the relationship is still new and while I don’t necessarily feel a strong emotional connection as yet, I feel a strong sense of submission to my D-type. While I have scene’d outside of relationships – I have never done so while in an active D/s relationship and I feel a little weird about the idea of doing so here. Were my D-type to order me of it, I would not question – but with it being my choice, I feel conflicted. Almost disloyal for considering it. An odd emotional sensation for a poly-orientated woman.


Still, I am curious.


I’m not entirely sure how to proceed but I’d like to meet him and see what he has in mind.