Ruby Slippers

I always loved fairytales as a child. Especially ones where strong headed girls would go off on wild adventures and yet still come back to the safety of home. Home. It was always important, even then. To have that safe place. That refuge for retreat. No surprise, really, considering how badly I was bullied at times. Even though home wasn’t always a picnic, even if I had to be the adult when I was just a kid... I was just like Cinderella - in my own little corner, in my own little chair. As I got older and had more adventures I lived many fairytales, from childhood favorites that ended happily ever after to the more adult Grimm brothers tales. Tales that I have spoken a little of, that ended not so happily and left me scarred. There is one fairy tale that I find myself still acting out, still living...

Once there was a girl who lived a happy little life - contented but the little world in which she found herself, she filled her days creating constructs of fire and metal. She warmed her heart with friendship and fed her soul with love. She never looked at the sky and wondered and she never looked for more. She existed and existing was enough.

Then, one day, in a fit of madness, the girl's father took her far far away to a place where there was no metal and no fire for her to build with and though the people looked the same, they did not speak the same language. The girl could not warm herself as she once had and grew cold. The girl could not feed herself as she once had and so a great hunger overcame her.

The girl knew if only she could find home, she could be warm and full. She planned for weeks and finally made her escape. Her journey was long, yet eventually she reached the land of her birth…but something was wrong. Something had changed. It had changed and the journey had changed her. This place was no longer her home.

The girl retreated into herself and considered the situation, all the while her need for warmth and hunger growing - still changing her. If what she needed was not here and it was not in the strange land to which her father had taken her, where was it? While the girl was thinking, her father found her and carried her back to that far off land. Having no reason left, she did not fight.

She resolved to find the things she needed. To find what brought her joy and where she found it, there she would make her home. The hunger made her wonder and for the first time she looked up at the sky in curiosity. The cold made her hard where once she was soft and in her search for answers she was cruel. Her quest made her want more than what she once had. A big life, full and free - uncompromising. The hunger grew and grew, leaving her wanting more and more with nothing to fulfill her while the cold left her heart like ice.

The girl cries at night, calling only for the one thing she cannot find - home

If I knew what made a place feel like home, this would be so much easier. I am conscious that I do not belong where I am but neither do I belong where I once was. Time has changed it and myself too much. I can go back, but it’s not home anymore. This odd happen chance leaves me a consistent outsiders, a role I tire of. But is it even possible now for me to belong anywhere?

Perhaps this is why belonging to Someone appeals so much. At least then I can belong. Can a person be home instead of a place?

That’s an odd thing to hope for in a Master - Dominant/ lover/ friend/ partner/ home