Fear

We have not engaged in bdsm activities in a while. A long while. I would say that while we started our relationship based on attraction, mutual interests and a common need for bdsm "play" (I hate that term), we have been unable to indulge more than light kink during sex for some time. There are a number of reasons for this;

• Illness
• Lack of privacy
• Stress
• Life

My partner has even admitted that he has become afraid of hurting me or causing me to trigger. This was really hard for me to hear and I'm somewhat at a loss on how to remedy the issue. All I can think is to talk about the fears he has, to talk about the best way of handling it when I do trigger and to just take things slowly and see.

I confess that while I am happy to listen and talk and do my best to help him. It does little to assuage my own fears. Of which I have many. I fear that I am not what he wants, but what's convenient, that my style of "play" is not what he likes, that my need to submit is not as strong as his need to command, that I will or already have fucked this up or that I am simply not worth the effort in his eyes. I know they're only insecurities.. but they haunt me all the same. I don't even know how to voice my fears to him without him feeling "at fault". I don't care so much who is at fault, I am more worried about fixing the problem. I know there is no quick fix as such, but how do you know when your back on the right path again?

I need so much to feel that possession again, that control.