Self Mastery

i find that when living without a dominate to guide me, i must in some ways, be my own dominate. my own Master. perhaps this is why at times i have been mistaken for a switch (or more baffling, a Domme).

when not in a stable and active D/s (or M/s) relationship i need to create my own rules, my own punishments and my own rewards. without this, i am lost and unsure of myself constantly.

for me, this starts with a set of alarms which schedule my waking time, bedtime and the times at which i take my medication - this ensures i get 8 hours of sleep a night, that i dont waste time sleeping in and that i take my medication on-time. from there, i have a set of rules governing how, when and what i can eat. i have problems surrounding my food intake when i am stressed so this is in some ways to ensure i do eat as much as it is to ensure i eat the right things. there is always a deficit of calories as i find the mild hunger helps to control the need for pain that i have on a daily basis. then i look at my levels of physical activities. when not with someone who prefers a less intensive schedule, i will be in the gym for at least an hour and a half Monday to Friday. life permitting, i try to get in an hour of hard swimming and an hour of jogging in at the weekends. the exercise is good because it also aids in satisfying my daily needs for pain if i push myself hard enough. after that, its 3 hours of studying / class work a day, with a break on Saturday but an extra hour on Sunday. an other time i have is devoted to house work before i look at spending time with my friends or other hobbies. i try to make sure that any hobbies i do engage in are educational or add value to myself in some way.

i think that its important for me to continually try to improve myself with education, awareness of current affairs, an active life style and the study of arts. sometimes this is something like watching an opera or reading about the underlying issues surrounding current world conflicts. other times it can be simply learning a way of doing something i do on a daily basis better. i very much subscribe that anything worth doing is worth doing in an ascetically pleasing manner.

to manage my time and ensure i work efficiently, i use my phone and pc to manage my time. i use outlook to create daily to-do lists and use the calendar to account for my time. its good because i can account for myself for months at a time when i use this technique. i also track my periods, migraines and moods with this calander. so, while it is Always very full (sometimes confusingly so) it is also incredibly informative.

along side the above, i am almost constantly listening to music, which generally can be very telling of my mood since i tend to listen to what matches how i'm feeling. other times, i use it to change my mood or to make myself face something. for example, since Saturday i have been making myself listen to music that reminds me of the people i just left. it hurts, but the more i listen to it, the more i desensitize myself to the pain of their loss. its helping already, but i've a long way to go.

micromanaging myself helps me feel the security that i would feel surrendering my body, heart and mind to a D-type. it also allows me to hand a good amount of data about my day to day life to someone i might be considering to submit to. along the way i am making myself the best that i can be, for myself. because if i dont value me, who else will?